Another stupid rodent removal job. This seems to be the only thing I can do for money these days. Part of me hates I was born a Dramti. I envy the speed of the Horchak as they shoot fireballs or lightning out of their forehead without any time between spells. I wish I had the power and size of the 15 foot tall Steln, who use a giant staff to cast their spells and bash the puny creatures who dare to attack them. I dream of being as nimble as the Teszorian as they dance and use their hands to cast while constantly moving.
But part of me accepts being born a Dramti. Our magic is slow, really slow. We have to draw out what we want then perform an action on the drawn figure. It isn’t powerful because the spell dies after it hits one solid object (it can pass through air and liquids). It is, in my opinion, the most practical. We use our skills doing more of the labor in our society than the fighting.
I’m not a go getter by any means. If I was born with any of their skills it would be wasted. I mean, honestly, I’m a rodent remover. Any one who didn’t do magic could do what I do. I have people contact me and tell me where I need to be to, you guessed it, remove rodents.
This job should be a piece of cake. 5 pigmits have been annoying a Teszorian’s farm. He is more than capable of doing this task himself, but feels his powers can be used elsewhere… Give me a break. At least it will pay the bills.
“Help us” a soft voice says into my my ear. I look around and can’t see anything that could have said that. “Can you save us?” the voice says again.
I spin in a circle. I look up, down and even in my shirt (my stomach has been known to talk to me). I don’t see anything. While I’m looking I also think, I don’t want to save anything. Could my brain be telling me something? Do I need to… Wait, what in the world is that small yellow fairy flying near me. It is no bigger than my fingernail, no wonder I couldn’t see it.
“Will you help uhh AHHHHH” I grab the fairy in mid sentance throw it on the ground and stomp it. I’m not saving anyone, I can barely save enough to buy Stil (my favorite drink). I’m no hero, and there is no way I am going to take the chance to be one.
Luckily, during that odd encounter I wound up at the Teszorian’s garden. There are those lousy pigmits. They sure are ugly; thier body is egg shaped with 4 stubby legs coming off the bottom of the body and touching the ground with hooves. Where most creates would have a nose, they have a beak. I’ve never understood these animals. They have a mouth to eat and a beak to smell. Somehow the beak opens up and bites the air around it which then is processed by the smell organs. Stupid useless pigmits.
Since these creates are small (they are roughly knee height at full growth) I can do my signature move, the V-uillotine. I quietly walk up next to one and draw a V into the air facing down above the pigmit’s neck. I take my fist and smash the the top of the V. The V shoots straight down and slices off the pigmit’s head. Once the V passes through the pigmit it disappears. One down. Four to go, HAHA!
The next two go relatively quick. The animals are dumb and don’t pay attention to much when they are trying to eat. As I am working on the fourth one, the last one hears me and runs off out of my view. Ugh, if I don’t bring back 5 heads I won’t get paid. V SMASH! The fourth one is dead. I grab the heads of the ones that have been “removed” and put them in a pile. It’s time to get the last one.
I start to walk in the direction I last saw the creature, but something catches my eye. 10 pigmits 100 yards away are running towards me and they do not look happy. They try to use their beaks as they ram into their opponents. If it works, it huts. The creatures are going to wish they didn’t try this. I’ve been wanting to try this idea about smashing them.
I draw a stick shaped image about 3 feet long parallel to the ground. At the end of the stick I draw an anvil with the face pointing toward the sky and the horn connected to the stick. The whole image is just above my shoulder length from the ground, so I stand under the stick. I grab it with both hands, similar to the way I would carry a sack. This is going to be awesome. I swing the image with all my might at the ground. It looks beautiful as the anvil circles around my head, and here comes the DAMNIT. I hit a leaf as it was blowing by in the air. All that power, and all it did was shred a leaf into pieces. Well, that just sucked.
I’m not going to be able to kill all these pigmits, but maybe I scare them by killing one. I draw a V with the point facing the pigmit that is the closest to me. I punch that V with all my might, and it slices the first creature in half. They were slowed but not stopped.
I grab the 4 heads I have and start running, hoping I can beat them to town and someone can save me. Unfortunately, they caught me and beaked me. As I tried to regain my strength and kill them off, I saw a beam of light flying towards me. I closed my eyes and covered my head. A few seconds later I opened my eyes and all the pigmits were on the ground dead next to me.
“Hey Dramti, leave the fighting for the real warriors. I hired you to kill the ones that were in my garden, not the whole clan.” The Teszorian said in a very angry way. Sheesh, I almost lost my legs and he is yelling at me!
“They rallied their troops, man. I had a good strategy until I ran into a leaf. Here are 4 of the heads you asked for, how much are you going to pay me?” I still need money!
“Ugh, you are useless. Here is 60% of what I said I would pay you. You are going to need it to drink away the embarassment you just had.” he says rolling his eyes. He tosses me a couple gold coins and then walks away.
Ha, embarassed. He should be embarassed he actually paid me. My life is a joke, and I know it. I’m a rodent remover who doesn’t always remove the rodents. Wait, maybe I am embarassed. Bah, I need some Stil.